EKKENTROS FORUM
The Matter: Report of the proceedings of the discussion held on 26-10-10 (Tuesday)
Venue: Hotel Malabar Fort (Gokulam Fort) hosted by Dr. K.P.Thomas.
Coram: All eight members attended and participated in the discussions. Artist K.V.Haridasan also attended as guest participant.
Subject: Emotional Intelligence
The report of the last discussion on 28-10-10 was accepted as amended (vide last page of the report replaced). After the Forum’s invocation the discussion on Emotional Intelligence was initiated by Sri Kunhikrishnan and discussed by others. Artist Haridasan showed print of the painting to be used for the cover of the proposed book to be published and the drawings made by him for inclusion in the various topics. After a lavish dinner hosted by Dr. Thomas, and a vote of thanks by Prof. Sankarankutty , the meeting dispersed at 11 PM
Sri.K.V.Kunhikrishnan: Intelligence has been given undue importance compared to emotion for too long a time now. In the words of Jaggi Vasudev,
“An emotional person looks like a fool to an intellectual person. But what an emotional person knows in terms of experience and perception of life in its totality, an intellectual person will never touch that. So, a devotional person looks like a fool, but the real fool is elsewhere.”
Courtesy, ‘Forest Flower’
At the outset the term or expression looks a contradiction, the juxtaposition of two incompatible words denoting entirely different entities. Intelligence relates to reasoning, intellect, logic and the like. And emotion signifies mind, feeling etc. In traditional thoughts also they are treated as different. In Bhagavat Geetha it is said that intellect is beyond the mind. Intellect controls the thoughts arising from emotions by reasoning. The combined expression therefore appears not proper.
But individual word meaning has no place here. One cannot try to understand Chinese Philosophy by looking up into the dictionary the word ‘China’ and ‘philosophy’. The term Emotional Intelligence has been coined to represent a particular aspect in the use of intelligence. In measuring the intellectual capacity of individuals, and in particular among students and employment seekers, the management experts and educationists have developed what is called the Intelligence Quotient, the I.Q. Elaborate methods have been developed to assess the I.Q. of employment seekers so that the best of men could be recruited.
But when the best of men with highest I.Q. were put into the place of managers of business and administration it was found that several of them were lacking talents in understanding the mindset of the people with whom they have to do business or the personnel whom they have to tackle in day to day work. Some who had the capacity and talent to gauge the emotional behavior of those on the other side, on the other hand, could do excellently well. So the experts thought of some ways of assessing the capacity of individual employees in the matter of understanding and handling the emotional aspects of others. From this arose the term Emotional Intelligence and thereafter the ‘Emotional Quotient’, EQ. There were objections to calling it intelligence. But the expression seems to have stuck after the best seller book of Daniel Goleman popularized it extensively.
For assessing intelligence and arriving at I.Q., the cognitive aspects were naturally given more importance than emotional aspects. Abilities of good memory and reasoning power were considered to be the most important assets for success in business or any other career. But Emotional Intelligence considers also the ability to understand others and to control not only one’s own emotional behaviour towards others but that of others also. So, for success in any field today understanding of others and managing the emotional behaviour of others are considered to be an essential requirement. Methods are also developed to measure this ability, although it has been found rather difficult to assess it with any precision.
The basic idea of Emotional Intelligence as a factor in the ability to live in difficult surroundings was recognized since Darwin expounded his theory of the survival of the fittest. Emotional balance was a valuable asset for survival. But the term Emotional Intelligence was first used only in 1985 when a doctoral student Wayne Payne used it for his thesis for doctorate called ‘Study of Emotion: Developing Emotional Intelligence’. It became very popular and came into wide use after the publication of the best seller book on the subject by Goleman.
This I put forward for further discussion and elaboration.
Dr.K.P.thomas: I have personal experience of this in our organization. While the administrator and the manager are able to carry on their work very well they are found to be not able to either inspire their subordinates or understand the workers. Of course, they are not qualified in modern management or well versed in maintaining discipline of the working staff. The disadvantage is clear. If they could understand the mind of people working under them it would have been ideal. Harassment of the staff and quarrel among the employees would have been the minimum.
I think that in these matters heredity is a very important factor. Part of the capacity for leadership and management is inherited. Apart from the upbringing, genetically what we acquire from our parents become our heredity, and that counts a lot in understanding others and managing them.
Prof. P.M. Sankarankutty: But that is not always true. Milton, the famous English poet’s children were not at all brilliant.
DR. Thomas: Yes, then both the parents may not be brilliant. But the level of their upbringing may still be seen. The Tibetans and the Eskimos developed the genes to put up with extreme cold. When the English wanted to rule India they educated the middle class of Indians in large numbers, and their progeny is today reaping the benefits. In the present time English education has become a big advantage to India. Indians are by nature very intelligent because they inherited it from their ancestors, and today they are proving to be more brilliant than the Americans and the British. The Brahmins understood that emotion is necessary more than intelligence. They had trained to control emotion. Brahmins were therefore given promotions and put in important places like assisting and advising the Rajas. Emotion is the base of motivation.
Dr. Sadanandan: For the emotion to function effectively, intelligence is essential. Emotion is beyond one’s conscious control. It is intelligence which has to regulate and direct the emotion to advantage.
Prof. M.V. Mohanan Nair: At the same time emotional security is needed for intelligence to function and operate properly. Social Intelligence which studies how to deal with society and manage it, works by directing the emotions of society.
Dr.Babu Ravindran: Emotional Intelligence refers to the ability to perceive, control and evaluate emotions. Some say it can be learned and strengthened, but others say it is an inborn characteristic.
End of 20th century had a surge of scientific studies on evolution. Till that the IQ was considered the major determinant of success in life. But it is Daniel Goleman who argued that Emotional Intelligence (EQ) is more important. EI validate the idea that people can be smart in a way that has nothing to do with their IQ. Tests of IQ do not measure the aptitude that count most in life, but merely measure the ability to do the tests. The poets and mystics have always known that true intelligence is a blend of head and heart, thought and feelings.
Goleman defines EI as including self awareness, impulse control, zeal and motivation, empathy and social deftness. These are the qualities he identifies as the qualities for success in career and relationship.
The term EI was first formally defined in 1990 by Mayor and Salovey as
1. Knowing how you feel, how others feel and what to do about that
2. Knowing what feels good, what feels bad, and how to get from bad to good
3. The emotional awareness, sensitivity and management skill which helps in maximizing our long term happiness and survival.
More recently they have updated this definition. “Emotional Intelligence involves the ability to perceive accurately, apprise, and express emotions: the ability to access and to generate feelings when they facilitate thoughts; the ability to understand emotion and emotional knowledge; and the ability to regulate emotion to promote emotional and intellectual growth.”
Emotion is the complex psycho-physiological experience of an individual’s state of mind as interacting with biochemical (internal) and environmental (external) influences. In humans emotion fundamentally involves ‘physiological arousal, expressive behaviour, and conscious experience. Emotion is associated with mood, temperament, personality, disposition and motivations.
Some categorizations of emotion are
1. cognitive/non-cognitive emotion,
2. instinctual emotion (in amygdale / cognitive emotion (in pre-frontal cortex)
3. that based on duration – some emotions last for over a period of seconds only (ex; surprise), others can last for years (ex; loss).
EKKENTROS FORUM
The Matter: Report of the proceedings of the discussion held on 23-11-10 (Tuesday)
Venue: Residence of Prof P.M.Sankarankutty at Green Hills, Temple Gate, Tellicherry. -670102
Coram: All eight members except Prof. Mohanan Nair who was out of station attended and participated in the discussions. .
Subject: Emotional Intelligence (Cont’d)
The report of the last discussion on 28-10-‘10 was accepted as amended After the Forum’s invocation the discussion on Emotional Intelligence was continued by Dr.Babu Ravindran and discussed by others. After a sumptuous dinner hosted by Mrs. Sankarankutty and Prof.Sankarankutty, and a vote of thanks by Dr. Thomas, the meeting dispersed at 11 PM
Dr. Babu Ravindran: Emotion is linked to the limbic system of the brain – specifically the Amygdala. The limbic area is where we experience joy beyond the duality of happiness and unhappiness, and intelligence beyond the blinkers of ego and conditioning.
Arab philosopher Ibn al Arabi wrote that intelligence emanates from Allah. The Hindu idea that intelligence is the gift of Mother Goddess makes it inseparable from maternal qualities of empathy, forbearance, compassion, reflections, and selfless nurturing.. Motherhood demands a high level of Emotional Intelligence. A mother must have the emotional brilliance to know how to discipline her children without inhibiting them. Aristotle said, “Anybody can become angry, that is easy, but to be angry with the right person to the right degree, at the right time, for the right purpose, and in the right way - this is not easy.”
Emotions are what make life worth living or sometimes ending. Emotion also raises normative questions about the extent to which they can be said to be rational, or can contribute to rationality. They are both the object of our most immediate awareness and the most powerful source of our capacity for self deception. Emotion actually represent the break down of smoothly adaptive functions such as thought, perception, and rational planning.
Emotion as a concept is much complicated. Descartes said, “It is impossible for the soul to feel a passion without that passion being truly as one feels it”. He again said that those that are most agitated by their passions are not those who know them best. The recent understandings are ,
1. Emotion is typically a conscious phenomenon, yet,
2. They typically involve non-pervasive bodily manifestations than other conscious states
3. They vary along a number of dimensions, intensity, values, type and range of intentional objects
4. They are reputed to be antagonists of rationality, but also
5. they play an indisputable role in determining the quality of life
6. They contribute crucially to defining our ends and priorities.
7. They play a crucial role in regulating social life.
8. They protect us from an excessively slavish devotion to narrow conceptions of rationality.
9. They have a central place in education and normal life.
In this context again,
EI refers to the competence to identify and express emotion, understand emotion, assimilate emotion in thoughts, and regulate both positive and negative emotions in oneself and others. Goleman defines Emotional Intelligence as “an ability such as being able to motivate oneself and pursue in the face of frustration, to control impulse and delay gratification, to regulate one’s moods and keep distress from swaying the ability to think, to empathize, and to hope.”
What is the secret of human happiness and fulfillment? Psychologists proposed that understanding the emotions of oneself and others is the key to satisfying life. Those people who are self-aware and sensitive to others manage the affairs with wisdom and grace even in their adverse circumstances.
Now EI has been touted as a panacea for modern business, and as the essential but often the neglected ingredient in the practicing medium, nursing, law, engineering etc. EI has both positive and negative cultural mores. On the positive side it emphasizes the value of non-intellectual abilities and attributes for the success in living, including emotional understanding awareness, regulation, adoption coping and adoption adjustments. It drives home the notion that, while the road to success in everyday life is determined partly by intellectual ability, there are number of other contributory factors including social competencies, emotional adjustments, emotional sensitivity, practical intelligence, and motivation. It also focuses on character and aspects of self control, such as the ability to delay gratification, tolerate frustration, and regulate impulse (ego strength). On the negative side, EI places greater emphasis on the importance of emotional abilities than our intellectual intelligence.
To paraphrase, emotion provides the ultimate validation of action; if it does not feel good, don’t do it.
Prof.P.M. Sankarankutty: But emotion has to be restrained. It should not be more than what is desirable. Certain ‘clinical detachment’ is said to be desirable in all actions.
Sri.K.V.Kunhikrishnan: That detachment is necessary for not getting involved.
Prof. Sankarankutty: Some times emotions get out of control. Socrates had a quarrel with his wife and that became hot. In the heat of anger his wife threw a bucket of water over his head. He coolly remarked, ‘there is a shower after the thunder.’
Dr. Babu Ravindran: If Daniel Goleman is associated with popularizing EI, it was Reuven Bar-on in 1997 who has contributed the first commercially available operational index for assessment of EI. Bar-on Characterizes EI as an array of non-cognitive capabilities, competencies, and skills that influences one’s abilities to succeed in coping with environmental demands and pressures. Emotional Quotient assesses five broad sub-types of Emotional Intelligence.
1. Intrapersonal Intelligence: composed of emotional self awareness, assertiveness, self regard, self actualization, and independence
2. Interpersonal Intelligence: composed of empathy, interpersonal relationship, and social relationship.
3. Adaptability: problem solving, reality testing, flexibility.
4. Stress management: stress tolerance, impulse control.
5. General mood: happiness, optimism.
Assessment of EQ is based on capacities related to the above categories of emotional intelligences.
Dr. Thomas: Emotional action not deliberate sometimes helps solve problems. There is a problematic person as the Secretary of the managing committee of our Church. He became secretary only because he was vehemently assertive in all matters desirable and undesirable, and nobody was willing to oppose him for fear of disturbing the sanctity of the atmosphere. The result was that the Church affairs were badly mismanaged. In most of the occasions he went on talking irrelevant things not allowing others to say anything. One day after I joined the committee when he was lecturing others about something silly for quite sometime, I couldn’t bear the nonsense any longer and blurted out, ‘you are a bloody fool’. Everybody was stunned although they all liked it and remarked later that it should have been done much earlier by somebody. After that incident he became a changed man. He stopped his irrelevant talks and did work quietly. Although using the word ‘bloody’ in a church was considered a horrible thing, nobody objected and took it in its stride as necessary at the time. Even the priest tacitly conceded it. After that incident the administration of the church went on smoothly. Perhaps that is an example of Emotional Intelligence working automatically.
Prof. Sankarankutty: Emotional Intelligence has an important place in Indian Culture although no particular term is used to represent it. Three virtues are stressed in ‘Brihadaranyaka Upanishad’. They are, compassion or empathy, delaying gratification or self control, and creativity. Self control comes from self awareness. Self flowing to the other person is compassion. Creativity comes from emotion and sensitivity. It is said that creativity begins with madness. Height of emotion becomes almost madness. The poet T.S. Eliot was in a lunatic asylum for sometime. His extreme sensitivity and emotional intensity can be seen in his poetry on Thames which he identifies as a polluted woman. He asks who will save the woman and world which is wasting away.
Dr. A.V.Sadanandan: Man and his mind stand at the apex of the evolutionary process. He thinks, and he feels. He has knowledge – knowledge is power, position and money. The whole educational process and training aim at this. We train better technicians, engineers, professionals, teachers, and all proposing to have a society with efficiency, success and prosperity.
As individuals each one is struggling to equip himself with knowledge and training to be successful in life. If one is a little bit alert and has accumulated some knowledge and information, and is proficient in expression, how important he becomes in the society. We worship those who are intellectually superior. But man essentially is an emotional being. His psychological make up determines his relationships with things, ideas and people. And this relationship is what life is all about. Our consciousness includes everything, thoughts, memories, knowledge, feelings and emotions. As emotions we have our anxieties, fears, grief and sorrows and occasional joys too. Our actions spring from desires, likes and dislikes, ambitions envy and greed. We strive for pleasures, gratification and happiness, and in the process one may become angry, aggressive and violent. We live within the field of mind and its activities. Mind is accumulated sensations and its reactions that can cause confusions, miseries and problems. And mind always seeks security and in this process there is isolation and self centeredness.
We know we want freedom from these emotions. These are restricting, limiting and distorting all our activities. But we remain the same since generations. There is no change. Is there no psychological evolution? But always there exists a longing for man to free himself from all this burden of fear, hurt and sorrows inside him. But how? We are not able to do that. Is our mind not equipped for that? We are not educated enough for it. We are not trained for it. Can we seek help from someone? We manage to conform to the social morality with all the tricks that our mind plays. We can suppress the emotions. We can control them. We can analyze and rationalize it to have some security. Our beliefs are there to help us to be consoled. Our brain can forget them. We can find solace in ideals and philosophies. We can pray God and at times take refuge in monasteries. We have our pleasures, entertainments and games to keep them away for a while.
Apart from all this, is it that our mind cannot deal with it, solve it; is the mind itself the cause of it? To answer, one has to think, scan through the memory. Thought is the only tool we have. But thought and feelings have created it. One fragment of thought on the other part may not give the answer. And the thinker, the seeker again is a conglomeration of thoughts. Not to think, is it possible? Mind has to be quiet. When it is quiet there is only seeing with all the being. Mind is being attentive, ‘aware’. There is no choice. There is only understanding. In that state there can be the awakening of Intelligence that can subdue the thoughts, memories, knowledge and emotions, and can cleanse the mind. This intelligence can use thoughts, memories, knowledge and emotions justly, rightly, and in the most proper way.
But we are not alert. We don’t want to be attentive. We just imitate, we try to follow and conform; we accept the authorities. We become conditioned. We reason out giving too much importance to reasoning. We become insensitive. We don’t see ‘what is’, why?
Sri. Kunhikrishnan: In Short, you suggest that what is desirable is neither conventional ‘Rational Intelligence’ (Cognitive Intelligence), nor Emotional Intelligence, but Pure Intelligence that comes out of absolute attention from a quiet mind. That Intelligence alone can ensure correct action that is right and proper.
Dr. Thomas: That is difficult in everyday life. We have in our organization five gold medalists, each of them devoted and brilliant in his own field. But they are bad managers making our life miserable. They cannot keep good relationship with the staff or the public. Therefore others have to do all the work. Emotional people are much better than IQ people.
Professor Sankarankutty Those who are intelligent pass the exams and get gold medals while those who understand emotions achieve. Man with IQ gets appointed; but the man with EQ gets the promotion.
EKKENTROS FORUM
The Matter: Report of the proceedings of the discussion held on 14-12-10 (Tuesday)
Venue: Residence of Dr.Sri.T.Bhaskaran.
Coram Six members attended. Prof.Sakarankutty and Prof. Mohanan Nair could not attend as they were out of station.
As regards the proposed publication of the book it was decided that a good printer would be contacted immediately so that the book can be released as early as possible.
Dr. Mohammed Abdulla:- Substantial disagreement exists regarding the definition of EI, with respect to both terminology and operational methods. There has been much confusion about the exact reasoning of the construct. The definitions are so varied, and the field is growing so rapidly that researchers are constantly reevaluating even their own definitions of the construct.
Emotional Intelligence is very lately identified as a branch of Psychology. Even though the earliest roots of EI can be traced to Darwin’s work on the importance of emotional expression for survival and second adaptation, the branch of science gained momentum only in 1990 onwards.
As already mentioned by others, the concept of EI is popularized after publication of psychologist and New York Times science writer Daniel Goleman,s book ‘EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE, why it can matter more than IQ’. Even though Daniel Goleman has popularized this branch of psychology of Ei his researches were only directed to the effectiveness Ei in the field of management and professionalism which is only a very narrow angle of applied EI while the huge clump of this concept and its application in day to day human life has not been high lighted.
Analyzing EI is said to be a Herculean task. But a very broad classification given is as follows:
The five components of EI are,
1 Self awareness: The ability to recognize and understand one’s moods, emotions and drives, as well as their effects on others. To achieve this one must have
i) Self-confidence
ii) Restrictive self assessment
iii)Sense of humor
2. Self Regulation: The ability to control and react to disruptive impulses and moods, and the propensity to suspend judgment- to think before acting - .
To achieve this one needs trustworthiness and integrity, comfort with ambiguity, and openness to change.
3. Motivation: A passion to work for reasons that go beyond money or status: a propensity to pursue goals with energy and persistence. To achieve this, a strong drive to achieve optimum even in the face of failure, and organizational commitment are necessary.
4. Empathy: The ability to understand the emotional make up of other people, skill in treating people according to their emotional reactions. To achieve this one has to develop expertise in building and retaining talent cross, cultural sensitivity, and service to clients and customers.
5. Social Skill: Proficiency in managing relationships and building networks, and an ability to find common ground and build of rapport. To achieve this one needs effectiveness in leading change, persuasiveness, and expertise in building and leading teams.
To conclude, we are left with the question, ‘Can emotional intelligence be learned?’
For ages people have debated if leaders are born or made. So too goes the debate about EI. Are people born with empathy for example, or do they acquire empathy as a result of life experiences? The answer is both. Scientific enquiry strongly suggests that there is a genetic component to emotional intelligence. Psychological and developmental researches indicate that nurture plays a role as well. How much of each perhaps will never be known; but the research and practice clearly demonstrate that Emotional Intelligence can be learned.
One thing is certain. Emotional intelligence increases with age, but even with maturity people still need assistance and training for emotional intelligence to develop. But in most cases the present day training programs have unsatisfactory results and outcome. Researchers conclude that EI is mainly originated in the neurotransmitters of the brain’s limbic system, which manipulate feelings, impulses, and drives. This is best learned through motivation, extended practice, and feed back.
Dr.K.P.Thomas: According to the management expert Drucker the members participating in a meeting or conference to make decisions should be in a happy mood in order to be effective. At least it will give better results. Therefore we decided to introduce that in our organization. Somebody suggested and we decide to serve beer to the members before the meeting. The results must have been better, we presume. But later we found that the members were too happy to be effective. We therefore discontinued the practice.
Dr. Babu Ravindran: Emotional Intelligence or the conventional intelligence, which is more important? I think, it is the usual IQ and not EQ.
Sri. Kunhikrishnan. Yes, definitely IQ is important. What is stressed here is that EQ has been ignored so far and the emotional angle completely forgotten.
Dr. Babu Ravindran: At best EQ supplements IQ.
Thursday, February 10, 2011
Ekkentros report January 2011
EKKENTROS FORUM
The Matter: Report of the proceedings of the discussion held on 25-1-11 (Tuesday)
Venue: Residence of Dr. Md Abdulla, Marayakulath, Nettur PO., Tellicherry-6
Coram: Seven members except Prof P.M.Sankarankutty who was out of station, attended and participated in the discussions. .
Subject: Emotional Intelligence (Cont’d)
The report of the last discussion on 14-12-‘10 was accepted as amended After the Forum’s invocation the discussion on Emotional Intelligence was continued by Dr.K.P.Thomas and Prof. Mohanan Nair. A lively discussion ensued. After an elaborate and sumptuous dinner hosted by Mrs. Khadija Abdulla and a vote of thanks by Dr. Thomas, the meeting dispersed at 11-30 PM
Dr. K.P.thomas: In stressed group activities and its management the Emotional Intelligence has to get into a flow for any achievement. But emotional interference can bring in disaster also, like the angry pilot who crashed because his copilots were afraid to tell him that his fuel tank was fast emptying. Understanding one’s own emotions and thereby having empathy with the emotions of others is the basis of EI.
Love, tender feelings, and sexual satisfaction entail parasympathetic arousal – the physiological opposite of the ‘fight or flight’ mobilization shared by fear and anger. The parasympathetic pattern produces ‘relaxation response’ to the whole body and it generates a state of calm and contentment, facilitating cooperation. This will lead to a state of happiness without negative feelings, and an enthusiasm and energy to do certain tasks. Worrisome thoughts are excluded in this condition of the brain. This is the state of the brain achieved by meditation, religious devotions or in a social festival and feasting.
Up to about ten thousand years back, man has always been threatened by calamities and predators limiting his existence to 30 years or so. But with the coming of agriculture and formation of human societies, the odds of survival changed dramatically. However those pressures of older days made our emotional responses quick enough and valuable to our survival for a longer span of life.
We have two minds, one that thinks, and the other that feels; the rational mind and the emotional mind.
Dr. A.V.Sadanandan: Yes. Both are meant for human survival. Emotional mind works fast. It comes from the tacit, instantaneous understanding of a person The rational mind takes time, thinking by slow deliberation.
Dr. K.P.Thomas:Let me explain the working of EQ by an illustration. I had to do a project for our hospital company. The adjacent plot of 8 cents was offered to us for 40 lakhs. The title being pledged in the Union Bank, for its release we agreed to give a check of Rs 3 lakhs as advance through an agreement signed by me on behalf of the Company, and the owners, a son, his sister, and their bed-ridden mother. When we (myself and the son) went to the bank with the check the manager wanted the signatures of the women to be put in his presence for which he was ready to come with us to the adjacent plot. But the son said that his sister was out of station. The next day was a holiday, and the next day when I talked to the sister over the phone she denied having any knowledge of the agreement and that she can vacate only after six months. Without expressing any emotion I told the son to make her understand and go to the bank to effect the closure of the loan. It was 1-45 PM. Before they reached the bank by 3 PM I cancelled the check through phone.
It was a split second, instinctive decision. I took it automatically to protect the company from an imminent loss of Rs.3 lakhs, and a possible legal and socio-political wrangle, that can go on prolonged for over a decade. I came under fire from the company directors and the son and the sister. (The mother had died the very next day.). They told me that I took a unilateral decision without consultation to cancel a significantly lucrative capital addition and business expansion of the company. For a split second (Say, 1/1000th of a second) decision, I had to ponder over and think for three-four days to find sufficient rationale and points of justification! And the more I rationalized the more and more points fell into line with perfect alignment to justify my decision to cancel the agreement. It was just like my primitive psyche escaping an on-coming fatal arrow from hitting me and exterminating me, and my progeny from the face of the earth. The decision was the functioning of emotional intelligence, and the rationalization later was the conventional rational mind working to pacify and convince my directors, which did not appear that easy. I cannot claim to be the most intelligent of the twelve directors, but I am, (as the oldest, and the strategist ) the crisis managing expert. I am generally in the background, and once they get trapped I may step in and gently unravel the quagmire of situational problems. I try to make each one of them feel that it was all their idea that solved the problems. High I.Q. is definitely good for individually thought out programs, but EQ is essential in group activities.
Sri K.V.Kunhikrishnan: Here your sudden hunch worked as the Emotional Intelligence.
Prof. M.V.Mohanan Nair: We already had a very exhaustive discussion on the topic. Traditionally we were given to understand that emotion and intelligence are incompatible. Today we know that they are complementary, and that the emotional aspect is as important or perhaps more important than the other, because emotional security is essential for the intelligence to function effectively. Gone are the days when we used to consider IQ of an individual or a group as the supreme trait. Its place has been taken by a persons’ or group’s EQ, a self perceived ability to identify, assess and control one’s own or their own emotions and that of others’ and groups. As was pointed out by all my friends here, the lack of EQ has failed many with very high IQ. This is true with every aspect and sphere of human activity whether it be the family, the society, state, nation, etc. For example, it is known to everyone that Kerala has the highest literacy rate among all the states of India. I am afraid that Kerala is on the hot track to be the highest in divorce rates also. Why does this happen? The answer is that, times are past when men thought of their wives as household commodities, without paying any attention to their emotional needs. Education leads to a better understanding of one’s emotional needs. Women today are educated and they, especially those who work, (not on office alone) are conscious of their emotional needs. They refuse to be an instrument of pleasure alone for their husbands – and the result is divorce or suicide.
And parents, they are often blind to the emotional needs of their children. In my own example, I used to feel proud on being a professor. I realized that I am a foolish Professor with no EI. When we do not respect the emotions of our own children they revolt which in many cases result in elopement, suicide etc. The student Dhanya who committed suicide recently was very brilliant – she could recite all that she studied – but felt emotionally insecure. The strength of the family lies in, each member understanding the emotional needs of the others..
This is true in the national scenario too. Mrs. Gandhi was a very intelligent and shrewd politician. But she didn’t have the EI to understand that our country which was under British imperialism for about 200 years was not emotionally willing to be under another dictatorial P.M. and in the end, in spite of all her shrewdness, she failed. – failed miserably. Again India lost one of the most brilliant PMs in Rajiv Gandhi. His sending the Indian Army to Srilanka was rather a political strategy adopted by him without paying any heed to the emotions of the Srilankans.
Recently there was a lot of uproar about Ms Arundhathi Roy’s statement about the people of Kashmir (I have no particular respect for her being the writer of ‘God Of Small Things’, a mere trash). The full text of the statement was in the news paper ‘Hindu’. She only said that Kashmirians do not feel to be an integral part of India. We know that at the expense of other states, the major portion of the Indian budget has been flowing to Kashmir ever since it was granted special status. You cannot force anyone to love you. They should be emotionally willing to love you. It should come from within and is not something that could be imposed.
Terrorism is something that could never be tolerated or justified. The terrorist leaders shrewdly and intelligently exploit the emotions of the easily credible ones, mainly their religious feelings, or social inequality (Maoists). The Germans were emotional enough to be exploited by Hitler’s myth about Aryan supremacy. It is an illustrious example of how an emotionally unintelligent nation could incite disaster.
The world is becoming smaller and smaller. We speak of the world as a global village. Paradoxically human worries and tensions are on the increase than in the past. What man needs today is emotional security. How to achieve this is the big question.
Dr. K.P.Thomas: Lack of emotional security often drives people to commit suicide. Intelligent people are more prone to commit suicide. I have noticed it in the Vellore Mission Hospital when I was there. Same thing I understand is the case of IIT, Madras also. This points to the fact that conventionally intelligent people are generally weak in emotional intelligence, and they cannot stand failure.
Dr. Babu Ravindran: All this forces us to examine our mind. The Functioning of the mind has to be closely looked into.
Sri. Kunhikrishnan: Yes. But how to look at the mind can be misunderstood. It is not by studying the structure of the mind or the network of neurons by dissecting them. Neither is it by psycho-analysis. The mind is not a physical object to experiment and study. No scientific approach can help here. It is only by quietly sitting down and observing closely how one’s mind functions and how thoughts arise and subside. One has to go deeper and deeper into the mind. One can start by observing the tip of one’s own nose, for example.
Prof. Mohanan Nair: Sri Sri Ravishankar’s Sudarsana Kriya .Starts with observation of breathing and breathing exercises.
Dr. Babu Ravindran: Where is actually his mind when a patient is in anesthesia? His organs are all functioning perfectly. But for quite some time, no feeling is coming. The mind is not there.
Dr. Sadanandan: This is more or less the case in deep sleep also. Only, it is passively alert.
Sri. Kunhikrishnan: The need to look into the mind and emotions is now more or less well recognized. It is a well known established fact that vast areas of the human brain are lying unutilized. The left brain, dealing with the rational part has all along been given undue importance neglecting the portions in the right brain connected with Emotional Intelligence, Insight, Intuition, Hunch, what is called the ‘Gut Feeling’ etc. The ‘scientific approach’ in every field of human activity, since renaissance, made Man look at and analyze only the object for study ignoring altogether the subject who is actually the observer.
The subject, observer is an emotional being, and that has tremendous influence in whatever man does. All decisions are influenced by emotions. However convinced a man might be by using his reasoning power, ultimately his decision can be seen to have been influenced by what his emotion dictated. Even in scientific experiments, where one is supposed to go strictly by observation of physical facts and reasoning, both of these factors can be seen to have been influenced by his emotional bias.
It can be noticed that all the great inventions and discoveries originated initially from hunches, visions, intuitions, insights etc. Reasoning at best only confirmed what ideas appeared in the minds of the scientists, a priori, after testing and experimenting. Often the reason and logic helped fitting the findings to what was acceptable.
Therefore what is needed seems to be to develop the power if intuition and insight in order to reach great heights in achievement. Going into one’s own mind and understanding it is the preliminary step in that direction. How other minds work can then be better grasped. The unity of existence also will be then become clear.
Not that the rational mind is not important. Philosopher/Spiritualist Jaggi Vasudev says that one has to use logic and reasoning like a drunkard uses the lamp posts – only for support.
The Matter: Report of the proceedings of the discussion held on 25-1-11 (Tuesday)
Venue: Residence of Dr. Md Abdulla, Marayakulath, Nettur PO., Tellicherry-6
Coram: Seven members except Prof P.M.Sankarankutty who was out of station, attended and participated in the discussions. .
Subject: Emotional Intelligence (Cont’d)
The report of the last discussion on 14-12-‘10 was accepted as amended After the Forum’s invocation the discussion on Emotional Intelligence was continued by Dr.K.P.Thomas and Prof. Mohanan Nair. A lively discussion ensued. After an elaborate and sumptuous dinner hosted by Mrs. Khadija Abdulla and a vote of thanks by Dr. Thomas, the meeting dispersed at 11-30 PM
Dr. K.P.thomas: In stressed group activities and its management the Emotional Intelligence has to get into a flow for any achievement. But emotional interference can bring in disaster also, like the angry pilot who crashed because his copilots were afraid to tell him that his fuel tank was fast emptying. Understanding one’s own emotions and thereby having empathy with the emotions of others is the basis of EI.
Love, tender feelings, and sexual satisfaction entail parasympathetic arousal – the physiological opposite of the ‘fight or flight’ mobilization shared by fear and anger. The parasympathetic pattern produces ‘relaxation response’ to the whole body and it generates a state of calm and contentment, facilitating cooperation. This will lead to a state of happiness without negative feelings, and an enthusiasm and energy to do certain tasks. Worrisome thoughts are excluded in this condition of the brain. This is the state of the brain achieved by meditation, religious devotions or in a social festival and feasting.
Up to about ten thousand years back, man has always been threatened by calamities and predators limiting his existence to 30 years or so. But with the coming of agriculture and formation of human societies, the odds of survival changed dramatically. However those pressures of older days made our emotional responses quick enough and valuable to our survival for a longer span of life.
We have two minds, one that thinks, and the other that feels; the rational mind and the emotional mind.
Dr. A.V.Sadanandan: Yes. Both are meant for human survival. Emotional mind works fast. It comes from the tacit, instantaneous understanding of a person The rational mind takes time, thinking by slow deliberation.
Dr. K.P.Thomas:Let me explain the working of EQ by an illustration. I had to do a project for our hospital company. The adjacent plot of 8 cents was offered to us for 40 lakhs. The title being pledged in the Union Bank, for its release we agreed to give a check of Rs 3 lakhs as advance through an agreement signed by me on behalf of the Company, and the owners, a son, his sister, and their bed-ridden mother. When we (myself and the son) went to the bank with the check the manager wanted the signatures of the women to be put in his presence for which he was ready to come with us to the adjacent plot. But the son said that his sister was out of station. The next day was a holiday, and the next day when I talked to the sister over the phone she denied having any knowledge of the agreement and that she can vacate only after six months. Without expressing any emotion I told the son to make her understand and go to the bank to effect the closure of the loan. It was 1-45 PM. Before they reached the bank by 3 PM I cancelled the check through phone.
It was a split second, instinctive decision. I took it automatically to protect the company from an imminent loss of Rs.3 lakhs, and a possible legal and socio-political wrangle, that can go on prolonged for over a decade. I came under fire from the company directors and the son and the sister. (The mother had died the very next day.). They told me that I took a unilateral decision without consultation to cancel a significantly lucrative capital addition and business expansion of the company. For a split second (Say, 1/1000th of a second) decision, I had to ponder over and think for three-four days to find sufficient rationale and points of justification! And the more I rationalized the more and more points fell into line with perfect alignment to justify my decision to cancel the agreement. It was just like my primitive psyche escaping an on-coming fatal arrow from hitting me and exterminating me, and my progeny from the face of the earth. The decision was the functioning of emotional intelligence, and the rationalization later was the conventional rational mind working to pacify and convince my directors, which did not appear that easy. I cannot claim to be the most intelligent of the twelve directors, but I am, (as the oldest, and the strategist ) the crisis managing expert. I am generally in the background, and once they get trapped I may step in and gently unravel the quagmire of situational problems. I try to make each one of them feel that it was all their idea that solved the problems. High I.Q. is definitely good for individually thought out programs, but EQ is essential in group activities.
Sri K.V.Kunhikrishnan: Here your sudden hunch worked as the Emotional Intelligence.
Prof. M.V.Mohanan Nair: We already had a very exhaustive discussion on the topic. Traditionally we were given to understand that emotion and intelligence are incompatible. Today we know that they are complementary, and that the emotional aspect is as important or perhaps more important than the other, because emotional security is essential for the intelligence to function effectively. Gone are the days when we used to consider IQ of an individual or a group as the supreme trait. Its place has been taken by a persons’ or group’s EQ, a self perceived ability to identify, assess and control one’s own or their own emotions and that of others’ and groups. As was pointed out by all my friends here, the lack of EQ has failed many with very high IQ. This is true with every aspect and sphere of human activity whether it be the family, the society, state, nation, etc. For example, it is known to everyone that Kerala has the highest literacy rate among all the states of India. I am afraid that Kerala is on the hot track to be the highest in divorce rates also. Why does this happen? The answer is that, times are past when men thought of their wives as household commodities, without paying any attention to their emotional needs. Education leads to a better understanding of one’s emotional needs. Women today are educated and they, especially those who work, (not on office alone) are conscious of their emotional needs. They refuse to be an instrument of pleasure alone for their husbands – and the result is divorce or suicide.
And parents, they are often blind to the emotional needs of their children. In my own example, I used to feel proud on being a professor. I realized that I am a foolish Professor with no EI. When we do not respect the emotions of our own children they revolt which in many cases result in elopement, suicide etc. The student Dhanya who committed suicide recently was very brilliant – she could recite all that she studied – but felt emotionally insecure. The strength of the family lies in, each member understanding the emotional needs of the others..
This is true in the national scenario too. Mrs. Gandhi was a very intelligent and shrewd politician. But she didn’t have the EI to understand that our country which was under British imperialism for about 200 years was not emotionally willing to be under another dictatorial P.M. and in the end, in spite of all her shrewdness, she failed. – failed miserably. Again India lost one of the most brilliant PMs in Rajiv Gandhi. His sending the Indian Army to Srilanka was rather a political strategy adopted by him without paying any heed to the emotions of the Srilankans.
Recently there was a lot of uproar about Ms Arundhathi Roy’s statement about the people of Kashmir (I have no particular respect for her being the writer of ‘God Of Small Things’, a mere trash). The full text of the statement was in the news paper ‘Hindu’. She only said that Kashmirians do not feel to be an integral part of India. We know that at the expense of other states, the major portion of the Indian budget has been flowing to Kashmir ever since it was granted special status. You cannot force anyone to love you. They should be emotionally willing to love you. It should come from within and is not something that could be imposed.
Terrorism is something that could never be tolerated or justified. The terrorist leaders shrewdly and intelligently exploit the emotions of the easily credible ones, mainly their religious feelings, or social inequality (Maoists). The Germans were emotional enough to be exploited by Hitler’s myth about Aryan supremacy. It is an illustrious example of how an emotionally unintelligent nation could incite disaster.
The world is becoming smaller and smaller. We speak of the world as a global village. Paradoxically human worries and tensions are on the increase than in the past. What man needs today is emotional security. How to achieve this is the big question.
Dr. K.P.Thomas: Lack of emotional security often drives people to commit suicide. Intelligent people are more prone to commit suicide. I have noticed it in the Vellore Mission Hospital when I was there. Same thing I understand is the case of IIT, Madras also. This points to the fact that conventionally intelligent people are generally weak in emotional intelligence, and they cannot stand failure.
Dr. Babu Ravindran: All this forces us to examine our mind. The Functioning of the mind has to be closely looked into.
Sri. Kunhikrishnan: Yes. But how to look at the mind can be misunderstood. It is not by studying the structure of the mind or the network of neurons by dissecting them. Neither is it by psycho-analysis. The mind is not a physical object to experiment and study. No scientific approach can help here. It is only by quietly sitting down and observing closely how one’s mind functions and how thoughts arise and subside. One has to go deeper and deeper into the mind. One can start by observing the tip of one’s own nose, for example.
Prof. Mohanan Nair: Sri Sri Ravishankar’s Sudarsana Kriya .Starts with observation of breathing and breathing exercises.
Dr. Babu Ravindran: Where is actually his mind when a patient is in anesthesia? His organs are all functioning perfectly. But for quite some time, no feeling is coming. The mind is not there.
Dr. Sadanandan: This is more or less the case in deep sleep also. Only, it is passively alert.
Sri. Kunhikrishnan: The need to look into the mind and emotions is now more or less well recognized. It is a well known established fact that vast areas of the human brain are lying unutilized. The left brain, dealing with the rational part has all along been given undue importance neglecting the portions in the right brain connected with Emotional Intelligence, Insight, Intuition, Hunch, what is called the ‘Gut Feeling’ etc. The ‘scientific approach’ in every field of human activity, since renaissance, made Man look at and analyze only the object for study ignoring altogether the subject who is actually the observer.
The subject, observer is an emotional being, and that has tremendous influence in whatever man does. All decisions are influenced by emotions. However convinced a man might be by using his reasoning power, ultimately his decision can be seen to have been influenced by what his emotion dictated. Even in scientific experiments, where one is supposed to go strictly by observation of physical facts and reasoning, both of these factors can be seen to have been influenced by his emotional bias.
It can be noticed that all the great inventions and discoveries originated initially from hunches, visions, intuitions, insights etc. Reasoning at best only confirmed what ideas appeared in the minds of the scientists, a priori, after testing and experimenting. Often the reason and logic helped fitting the findings to what was acceptable.
Therefore what is needed seems to be to develop the power if intuition and insight in order to reach great heights in achievement. Going into one’s own mind and understanding it is the preliminary step in that direction. How other minds work can then be better grasped. The unity of existence also will be then become clear.
Not that the rational mind is not important. Philosopher/Spiritualist Jaggi Vasudev says that one has to use logic and reasoning like a drunkard uses the lamp posts – only for support.
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