Ekkentros report January 2011

EKKENTROS FORUM


The Matter: Report of the proceedings of the discussion held on 25-1-11 (Tuesday)

Venue: Residence of Dr. Md Abdulla, Marayakulath, Nettur PO., Tellicherry-6

Coram: Seven members except Prof P.M.Sankarankutty who was out of station, attended and participated in the discussions. .

Subject: Emotional Intelligence (Cont’d)

The report of the last discussion on 14-12-‘10 was accepted as amended After the Forum’s invocation the discussion on Emotional Intelligence was continued by Dr.K.P.Thomas and Prof. Mohanan Nair. A lively discussion ensued. After an elaborate and sumptuous dinner hosted by Mrs. Khadija Abdulla and a vote of thanks by Dr. Thomas, the meeting dispersed at 11-30 PM

Dr. K.P.thomas: In stressed group activities and its management the Emotional Intelligence has to get into a flow for any achievement. But emotional interference can bring in disaster also, like the angry pilot who crashed because his copilots were afraid to tell him that his fuel tank was fast emptying. Understanding one’s own emotions and thereby having empathy with the emotions of others is the basis of EI.
Love, tender feelings, and sexual satisfaction entail parasympathetic arousal – the physiological opposite of the ‘fight or flight’ mobilization shared by fear and anger. The parasympathetic pattern produces ‘relaxation response’ to the whole body and it generates a state of calm and contentment, facilitating cooperation. This will lead to a state of happiness without negative feelings, and an enthusiasm and energy to do certain tasks. Worrisome thoughts are excluded in this condition of the brain. This is the state of the brain achieved by meditation, religious devotions or in a social festival and feasting.
Up to about ten thousand years back, man has always been threatened by calamities and predators limiting his existence to 30 years or so. But with the coming of agriculture and formation of human societies, the odds of survival changed dramatically. However those pressures of older days made our emotional responses quick enough and valuable to our survival for a longer span of life.
We have two minds, one that thinks, and the other that feels; the rational mind and the emotional mind.
Dr. A.V.Sadanandan: Yes. Both are meant for human survival. Emotional mind works fast. It comes from the tacit, instantaneous understanding of a person The rational mind takes time, thinking by slow deliberation.
Dr. K.P.Thomas:Let me explain the working of EQ by an illustration. I had to do a project for our hospital company. The adjacent plot of 8 cents was offered to us for 40 lakhs. The title being pledged in the Union Bank, for its release we agreed to give a check of Rs 3 lakhs as advance through an agreement signed by me on behalf of the Company, and the owners, a son, his sister, and their bed-ridden mother. When we (myself and the son) went to the bank with the check the manager wanted the signatures of the women to be put in his presence for which he was ready to come with us to the adjacent plot. But the son said that his sister was out of station. The next day was a holiday, and the next day when I talked to the sister over the phone she denied having any knowledge of the agreement and that she can vacate only after six months. Without expressing any emotion I told the son to make her understand and go to the bank to effect the closure of the loan. It was 1-45 PM. Before they reached the bank by 3 PM I cancelled the check through phone.
It was a split second, instinctive decision. I took it automatically to protect the company from an imminent loss of Rs.3 lakhs, and a possible legal and socio-political wrangle, that can go on prolonged for over a decade. I came under fire from the company directors and the son and the sister. (The mother had died the very next day.). They told me that I took a unilateral decision without consultation to cancel a significantly lucrative capital addition and business expansion of the company. For a split second (Say, 1/1000th of a second) decision, I had to ponder over and think for three-four days to find sufficient rationale and points of justification! And the more I rationalized the more and more points fell into line with perfect alignment to justify my decision to cancel the agreement. It was just like my primitive psyche escaping an on-coming fatal arrow from hitting me and exterminating me, and my progeny from the face of the earth. The decision was the functioning of emotional intelligence, and the rationalization later was the conventional rational mind working to pacify and convince my directors, which did not appear that easy. I cannot claim to be the most intelligent of the twelve directors, but I am, (as the oldest, and the strategist ) the crisis managing expert. I am generally in the background, and once they get trapped I may step in and gently unravel the quagmire of situational problems. I try to make each one of them feel that it was all their idea that solved the problems. High I.Q. is definitely good for individually thought out programs, but EQ is essential in group activities.
Sri K.V.Kunhikrishnan: Here your sudden hunch worked as the Emotional Intelligence.
Prof. M.V.Mohanan Nair: We already had a very exhaustive discussion on the topic. Traditionally we were given to understand that emotion and intelligence are incompatible. Today we know that they are complementary, and that the emotional aspect is as important or perhaps more important than the other, because emotional security is essential for the intelligence to function effectively. Gone are the days when we used to consider IQ of an individual or a group as the supreme trait. Its place has been taken by a persons’ or group’s EQ, a self perceived ability to identify, assess and control one’s own or their own emotions and that of others’ and groups. As was pointed out by all my friends here, the lack of EQ has failed many with very high IQ. This is true with every aspect and sphere of human activity whether it be the family, the society, state, nation, etc. For example, it is known to everyone that Kerala has the highest literacy rate among all the states of India. I am afraid that Kerala is on the hot track to be the highest in divorce rates also. Why does this happen? The answer is that, times are past when men thought of their wives as household commodities, without paying any attention to their emotional needs. Education leads to a better understanding of one’s emotional needs. Women today are educated and they, especially those who work, (not on office alone) are conscious of their emotional needs. They refuse to be an instrument of pleasure alone for their husbands – and the result is divorce or suicide.
And parents, they are often blind to the emotional needs of their children. In my own example, I used to feel proud on being a professor. I realized that I am a foolish Professor with no EI. When we do not respect the emotions of our own children they revolt which in many cases result in elopement, suicide etc. The student Dhanya who committed suicide recently was very brilliant – she could recite all that she studied – but felt emotionally insecure. The strength of the family lies in, each member understanding the emotional needs of the others..
This is true in the national scenario too. Mrs. Gandhi was a very intelligent and shrewd politician. But she didn’t have the EI to understand that our country which was under British imperialism for about 200 years was not emotionally willing to be under another dictatorial P.M. and in the end, in spite of all her shrewdness, she failed. – failed miserably. Again India lost one of the most brilliant PMs in Rajiv Gandhi. His sending the Indian Army to Srilanka was rather a political strategy adopted by him without paying any heed to the emotions of the Srilankans.
Recently there was a lot of uproar about Ms Arundhathi Roy’s statement about the people of Kashmir (I have no particular respect for her being the writer of ‘God Of Small Things’, a mere trash). The full text of the statement was in the news paper ‘Hindu’. She only said that Kashmirians do not feel to be an integral part of India. We know that at the expense of other states, the major portion of the Indian budget has been flowing to Kashmir ever since it was granted special status. You cannot force anyone to love you. They should be emotionally willing to love you. It should come from within and is not something that could be imposed.
Terrorism is something that could never be tolerated or justified. The terrorist leaders shrewdly and intelligently exploit the emotions of the easily credible ones, mainly their religious feelings, or social inequality (Maoists). The Germans were emotional enough to be exploited by Hitler’s myth about Aryan supremacy. It is an illustrious example of how an emotionally unintelligent nation could incite disaster.
The world is becoming smaller and smaller. We speak of the world as a global village. Paradoxically human worries and tensions are on the increase than in the past. What man needs today is emotional security. How to achieve this is the big question.
Dr. K.P.Thomas: Lack of emotional security often drives people to commit suicide. Intelligent people are more prone to commit suicide. I have noticed it in the Vellore Mission Hospital when I was there. Same thing I understand is the case of IIT, Madras also. This points to the fact that conventionally intelligent people are generally weak in emotional intelligence, and they cannot stand failure.
Dr. Babu Ravindran: All this forces us to examine our mind. The Functioning of the mind has to be closely looked into.
Sri. Kunhikrishnan: Yes. But how to look at the mind can be misunderstood. It is not by studying the structure of the mind or the network of neurons by dissecting them. Neither is it by psycho-analysis. The mind is not a physical object to experiment and study. No scientific approach can help here. It is only by quietly sitting down and observing closely how one’s mind functions and how thoughts arise and subside. One has to go deeper and deeper into the mind. One can start by observing the tip of one’s own nose, for example.
Prof. Mohanan Nair: Sri Sri Ravishankar’s Sudarsana Kriya .Starts with observation of breathing and breathing exercises.
Dr. Babu Ravindran: Where is actually his mind when a patient is in anesthesia? His organs are all functioning perfectly. But for quite some time, no feeling is coming. The mind is not there.
Dr. Sadanandan: This is more or less the case in deep sleep also. Only, it is passively alert.
Sri. Kunhikrishnan: The need to look into the mind and emotions is now more or less well recognized. It is a well known established fact that vast areas of the human brain are lying unutilized. The left brain, dealing with the rational part has all along been given undue importance neglecting the portions in the right brain connected with Emotional Intelligence, Insight, Intuition, Hunch, what is called the ‘Gut Feeling’ etc. The ‘scientific approach’ in every field of human activity, since renaissance, made Man look at and analyze only the object for study ignoring altogether the subject who is actually the observer.
The subject, observer is an emotional being, and that has tremendous influence in whatever man does. All decisions are influenced by emotions. However convinced a man might be by using his reasoning power, ultimately his decision can be seen to have been influenced by what his emotion dictated. Even in scientific experiments, where one is supposed to go strictly by observation of physical facts and reasoning, both of these factors can be seen to have been influenced by his emotional bias.
It can be noticed that all the great inventions and discoveries originated initially from hunches, visions, intuitions, insights etc. Reasoning at best only confirmed what ideas appeared in the minds of the scientists, a priori, after testing and experimenting. Often the reason and logic helped fitting the findings to what was acceptable.
Therefore what is needed seems to be to develop the power if intuition and insight in order to reach great heights in achievement. Going into one’s own mind and understanding it is the preliminary step in that direction. How other minds work can then be better grasped. The unity of existence also will be then become clear.
Not that the rational mind is not important. Philosopher/Spiritualist Jaggi Vasudev says that one has to use logic and reasoning like a drunkard uses the lamp posts – only for support.